noone

Wed, 29 Sep 2004 05:36:50 GMT

so it was the craziest night ever at work..got out of there at 12:45. found out some good news and bad news on the cute paramedic. found out why he got fired and its not b/c he did anything really bad, just made a few bad calls.. bad news is ill still probably never see him again.. but who knows we'll see. i have all day to myself tomorrow until work which will be nice. hopefully i can be productive and get some stuff done. trying to get sleepy b/c i need to get in the bed.... goodnight

"Life gives you thousands of chances, All you have to do is take one"

not enjoying the "real world"

Fri, 27 Aug 2004 06:32:34 GMT

So in the past 3 three months i went from not knowing what i was doing every second of the day to having a schedule already set for a month ahead. i miss just deciding to go somewhere at the spur of the moment with my roomies just cause we want to. now its like i get up, clean the house, run any errands, work, and come home and go to bed. i cant complain about actually having money now but this life is starting to get boring. im actually starting to miss school! i do work with pretty good people though and have made some good friends. i got to see my favorite paramedic tonight....he's actually starting to look much cuter that i first thought he was...i need a new person to be interested in b/c its the only thing that keeps my mind off of the old one. so anyways, things are still the same here at home...im trying to pay off my credit cards so i can get a place of my own but i dont feel like im getting anywhere..guess its going to take longer than i thought. i got paid today....worked 92 hrs! i have to go to some boring class all next week for work and im NOT looking forward to it. i am hoping to get to columbia some time in sept once i see my work schedule.. i miss my girls sooo much! well i guess thats it for now.. better go to bed..
"ill spread my wings and ill learn how to fly
ill do what it takes till i touch the sky,
ill make a wish
take a chance
make a change
and breakaway"

still awake and bored

Sun, 04 Jul 2004 04:37:18 GMT

so i cant go fall asleep so i figure ill update.. nothing too interesting has happened lately. college was much more interesting than this living at home stuff. i havent been doing much besides working on the weekends which seems to be getting me nowhere b/c i think i am more broke now than i have ever been but i start my new job in a week and hopefully this will all change soon. i found out that i dont have to work on the 21st so i get to go see hea and go see counting crows!! im so excited, i just wish i could stay more than one night. so mike and carlos were in town tonight but i didnt get to meet up with them so hopefully i will see them tomorrow. i miss everyone from cola and just hanging out at the bar or at mike's restaurant. what i would give for one more semester:( or even just one more week.... guess thats all for now

quote for the night:
"There's a boat, I could sail away
There's the sky, I could catch a plane
There's a train, there's the tracks
I could leave and I could choose to not come back
Oh, never come back

There you are, giving up the fight
Here I am begging you to try
Talk to me, let me in
But you just put your wall back up again
Oh, when's it gonna end" "How Far" Martina Mcbride

taking the good with the bad

Wed, 23 Jun 2004 03:26:26 GMT

so since everyone else is updating, so will i:) and i guess i should since its been like a month since i last did.. anyways things at hope have been a little better than when i first moved but then again at times it seems worse than ever before but what can you do? im just looking forward to getting on my feet, paying off credit cards, and then being able to go wherever i want to:) still have that nyc dream! i got a job and start in about a week and a half and i cant wait! i have been broke for waaaay too long now and it will be nice to be able to buy something just b/c i want to without having to worry about using a credit card. crissy's wedding was this past weekend. i was soo excited to be a bridesmaid b/c i had never been one before and so happy for her. the reception was kinda depressing b/c i didnt have anyone to dance with and of course the one guy there that liked me a while ago had a gf and so i didnt even get to talk to him, but then again its my own fault b/c i didnt want to have anything to do with him but now that he is attached, i kinda changed my mind but thats the story of my life....a day late and a dollar short....i do have july 21st to look forward to when i get to go see heather and go see counting crows:) so excited! i guess the only thing i have to be sad about is the no reply i got to the birthday message i sent someone but its typical of him. why would i still want to be with someone who has done nothing but let me down for almost 2 years now? maybe one day ill figure out the answer:( well i guess thats it for now~ g'night
"Love is like a ghost train howling on the radio
"Remember everything." she said, "when only memory remains." ~~ Ghost Train

finally home and moved in

Wed, 19 May 2004 01:47:41 GMT

so i finally graduated and am now moved home....i've only been here a week but it feels like 10 years. it was hard leaving cola and the apartment.. but i know that i can still go visit. im going on a cruise next monday...soooo excited...i just hope that i can let everything go to have a good time. this living at home stuff is going to be harder than i thought...guess since the past 4 years i havent had to worry about people needing to know where i was every second of the day...but we'll see what happens.. so now im home with no job right now...except bee city on the weekends.. still working on that. then the girl who was supposed to sublease my room decided she wasnt going to so now i have to somehow shit $275 for rent in a week. but everything always turns out okay so im hoping it will again. me and krystle went out sunday night in cola and had a good time.. its amazing what only one week of not drinking will do to you... enough said there;) well guess thats all for now...gotta go downstairs and check in cause im sure everyone is wondering where i am:(

:'(

Fri, 16 Apr 2004 06:09:31 GMT

i dont know what is wrong with me...why cant i just be content and happy that something good has happened.. why do i always want more??

whoa!

Thu, 15 Apr 2004 05:29:16 GMT

well its update time... so my bday was really fun..thanks again everyone for the calls, messages, and gifts. i had a great time.. we went out to eat with liz's parents at mike's restaurant..it was really good then went to knock knock.. i had a blast and didnt make a fool out of myself for once so i was very proud. today i got an unexpected phone call and was completely caught off guard so totally unprepared but i think i did okay. it was nothing that i expected. i guess i had prepared for the worst, hoped for the best, and ended up with something in between. it was sooooo good to talk to this person. cant believe it took a year to finally say what could have been said a long time ago. but at least now i know. still trying to figure everything out but a least i can sleep a little easier tonight.. i just know that if not saying anything would have changed everything i would have kept my mouth shut more...but i guess i cant do anything about it now.. i do have to say that i think its bullshit for someone to say that they could never trust someone after one mistake.. everyone makes mistakes and everyone disappoints us but that doesnt mean we give up on them or dont give them a second chance. i just hope this means things are looking up a little for me and that makes me happy.. i guess we will just have to see what happens....
quote: "i'll close my eyes, then i wont see the love you dont feel when your holding me, morning will come and i'll do whats right, just give me till then to give up this fight...cause i cant make you love me if you dont, you can't make your heart feel something it wont" bonnie raitt

need to be studying but...

Sun, 28 Mar 2004 04:33:08 GMT

so i think that time away from columbia definitely gives me a sense of reality. up there the only things i really have to do is go to class, study, drink, and think (too often combining the last two..bad idea). i've realized that in a few weeks this will be my life and there will be no more time to constantly think about the "what ifs" and the "what could've beens". i want to look back and know that i met alot of great people and had a few great relationships and while there are a few regrets, i wouldn't change the past 4 years for anything. and after all that i don't really want to think about it anymore because i want to think about what the next 4 years of my life will be like. i know i'll meet more great people and probably get my heart broken again at least once but maybe i'll meet somebody great who won't break my heart...but thats the great part..you never know what could happen tomorrow or the next day...i think the one thing that i've realized is that everything that happens is for a reason. i think we too often (me a prime example) live our life in the past. life isnt about what happened yesterday, i think its about the hope for a better tomorrow. so heres another random thought ..i've questioned myself alot about why someone would want to shut another person who really cares about them out of their life but you can't be upset over that.. you have to be content knowing that you did care about that person and you let them know and thats all you can do. everything else is out of your hands. people are the way they are..some people are scared to let others get too close..some people are just so worried about themselves that nobody else matters and if maybe they stopped thinking about themselves for two seconds they would realize it. so all you can do is just keep putting yourself out there and be honest with people and hope they will see it and if they don't all you can do is feel sorry for them and their loss. we only have one life and a short time to live it and i feel sorry for those who are too scared to be up front with someone and tell them that they care about them b/c they are too involved in this stupid "game". those are the people who are missing out. well i know my journal was random but oh well... gonna go try and do something productive with my time now.
"with every breath your life can change"

crazy weekend

Mon, 22 Mar 2004 03:47:52 GMT

yeah so i never update this thing but maybe b/c my life is so boring that i never have anything interesting to say. but this past weekend was definitely interesting. so me and the roomies have been out every night since tuesday. everybody came to town this weekend including hea and the boys. thurs was a lot of fun. we all hung out most of the night and ant and his friend adam stayed at our apt. it was just like old times, for most of the night but thats all i'll say about that.. friday and saturday were a different story though.."god" and the gf, well i cant really call her gf anymore but whatever, came into town and of course everything had to be different. i talked to him for a brief minute but i guess i couldn't expect more than that. me and hea stayed out till the bar closed and then there was drama so we came home and tried to figure out what the hell had just happened but of course there is never any explaining what those boys do. so saturday was pretty good. we got to 5 points around 2ish and went to rocco's for a while..we took the best jello shots there! and i used the beer goggles that we bought liz and braut took a picture of it so that should be funny. of course we had to have a shit talking contest b/w us and gf and crew so that was interesting. we saw blake shelton play and he was great! after that i believe exhaustion hit and i somehow hung until 12:30 then had to walk home in the rain...perfect ending to a perfect weekend huh? so pj and a friend showed up and needed a place to stay... he told me some interesting stuff but by that time i realized that it didn't matter anymore b/c it wasn't going to change anything for me. i think this weekend i had a lot of realizations. i realized that as far as ut goes, he had several opportunities to talk to me and didn't so i know that i was obviously not that important to him b/c it was probably the last time i'll ever see him and he still didn't feel he needed to make any effort. i realized that although my feelings for him will never change, i can't hold onto him forever. i may have missed out on something that could have turned into something really great this weekend and now i may have messed things up forever with that person. i guess i was just scared b/c i always think that people have alterior motives and i wasnt sure what his intentions were so i freaked out. so now i have to try and fix the situation. maybe me and this person could be a really good thing though. i mean we're really good friends and he is a great person and although i may not feel about him the way i do about the other one, i could be really happy with this person. maybe the best relationships don't necessarily have to be the love at first sight kinds. i'm so confused...i just don't know what to think about anything anymore..in 7 weeks my life is going to change forever and ill have a million decisions to make and i don't know if i can handle all of this. why does nothing and nobody ever work out for me? why can't the one person i really care about care about me back? and why can't i accept the fact that he doesn't and maybe he never did and maybe i gave it all up for nothing. okay now i've depressed myself so i'm gonna quit already...leave some words of encouragement if you'd like.
"May God grant me the serenity to accept what I cannot change, the courage to change what I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

since your so interested

Tue, 10 Feb 2004 05:58:56 GMT

i guess since you (one person in particular) cant get enough of my journal i better update... not much going on lately besides stupid jevenile drama but what can you do. i guess no matter what you do not everyone is going to like you and sometimes you cant do anything about...well they cant say we didn't try. i got a disturbing and extremly rude call around 3 in the morning last week and i must say i would never call my mother at that hour unless i was dying or in jail and as she said "i know better than to bother her with trivial bullshit".. it doesnt really bother me b/c i said my peace and everything i said was true so whatever...so it boils down to just me, krystle,and liz are gonna be here in singley which is straight with me.. i mean i didnt care either way but i cant understand how we were such horrible people to live with..but hopefully this leaves a drama free semester and we can be college girls and come home drunk and make some noise every once in a while.. thats all for now..gotta go to bed b/c i have 2 tests tomorrow which i must ace so leave a comment if you'd like;) night

in one of those unexplainable bad moods...

Mon, 02 Feb 2004 04:36:39 GMT

so the past five days have been crazy and i'm not even sure what happened alot of the time but i know i spend wayyy too much of that time in five points. but thats what you gotta do for a friends 21st! you dont celebrate for just a day, you have to celebrate for a week! anyways all my fav people came to town...crissy and my sisser and we had a great time...me and crissy were the last ones standing on krystle's bday. we ended up at ihop and carlos and his friend were there and then hal and matt were there.. it was crazy but fun b/c we were all way too intoxicated to be at any public establishment besides a bar! sat was soo much fun at kk...we went to murray's house for crappy hour and finally got out of there around 4 b/c i was soo tired and cold and my feet hurt. so i woke up on the wrong side of the bed today and have been shitty ever since.. and its funny b/c i dont even really know what is wrong with me..well dont know what else to say so i'm going to bed... quote for the day:
"I bless the day I met
I thank God that he let you
Lay beside for a moment that lives on
And the good news is i'm better for the time we spent together
And the bad news is your gone":'(
Diamond Rio

bored

Thu, 22 Jan 2004 04:53:15 GMT

this week has been pretty unproductive..didnt have class monday, went out last night and got sick for the first time in like a year! dont know how it happened. i have my appt for applying for graduation friday..i cant believe its coming so fast. its kind of scary considering i'm not sure what i wanna do with the rest of my life. just hoping one day it will come to me.. i had a long conversation with matt tues night at the bar and it really made me think..he made a lot of sense about the whole thing.. somethings gotta happen soon b/c i can't deal with this same crap much longer. so i've decided that i AM going to have a date for valentines day this year..i'm not sure who it is going to be but i refuse to spend another one alone so thats my mission for the next couple of weeks..say a few prayers for me:) thats all for now... got two quotes for tonight that i really like:
"Life gives you thousands of chances, All you have to do it take one"
"it seems the only blessing i have left to my name is not knowing what we could've been, what we should've been...so take your records, take your freedom, take your memories i dont need them, take your space and take your reason, but youll think of me...someday i'm gonna run across your mind but dont worry ill be fine..i'm gonna be alright..while your sleeping with your pride wishing i could hold you tight ill be over you and on with my life" keith urban

in a shitty mood:(

Mon, 19 Jan 2004 23:45:38 GMT

so i dont know what happened but all of a sudden i am just in a horrible mood..cause b/c i think too damn much about things that will never happen or things i can't change. school is going to be tough since i'm taking 18 hrs and feel like i'm in class forever but ill get through it. i got some interesting news a few days ago but not sure how i feel about it and not even sure i care that much.. why would 2 people break up but still live together..sounds kinda stupid to me...well either way it doesnt affect me b/c he is no longer a part of my life..why i guess ill never know but for whatever reason being friends with me must not have fit into his schedule.. why some things work out for some people but not for others ill never understand. anyways gotta get back to reading and cleaning this disaster of a room..
quote i like: When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But...only for a season.

blah blah

Sun, 04 Jan 2004 02:41:28 GMT

its been forever since i updated so what the hell...not been doing much..been at home mostly watching julie and cleaning house..i did go to a party on new years which was okay but i didnt get to spend it with my favorite people...oh well...anyways i went to cola last weekend to work and me and mike saw the lord of the rings..it was great..really long though..i worked at bee city tonight with my sis and made some dough..thank god b/c i'm going to be broke this month and every month after..maybe i shouldnt have quit my job...hmmm..well this is a new semester and a new year so i'm hoping things will be better..havent made any resolutions yet b/c i usually break them so we'll just see what happens..i'm going to cola to pick up my check tomorrow so i can pay my rent then back wed or thurs for good...can't wait! gotta go now..

bored

Fri, 19 Dec 2003 03:54:07 GMT

This week has dragged by... I went home last weekend and pretty much just watched julie all week. i came back to cola tonight b/c i have to work for the next three days..yuck! but it does give me a break from the non stop everything that goes on at home. I went to the pizza shop with the smith's tonight and none other than david walks in.. not sure if he saw me and dont care b/c i will never talk to him again! but anyways the night didnt end there.. 2 miles from my apt i got pulled over..didnt even realize i was speeding...but its okay.. i got away with just a warning..i have great luck with the cops..dont know why.. then i read an interesting away message and after discussion with burg we still cant figure it out...she always makes it difficult to understand what she is talking about.. hmmm...i hate not knowing things...oh well..either way it doesnt have anything to do with me so i really shouldnt care. well i'm going to bed now..gotta work in like 8 hours..its going to be sooo cold in the morning:( i know this was so interesting but i have nothing more interesting to say... night night
"There has to be a change, I'm sure...Today was just a day fading into another...And that can't be what a life is for" Counting Crows

Wed, 10 Dec 2003 07:59:32 GMT

all i'm saying is that i think that at some point in your life you have to pay for the things you do..therefore it doesnt make it okay to do whatever...but thats just my opinion

i thought this was really good

Thu, 04 Dec 2003 08:21:23 GMT

stole this from an email...ill write a real journal when something interesting happens in my life....so it might be a while!

Being Twenty-Something
They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you
stop going along with the crowd and start realizing
that there are a lot of things about yourself that you
didn't know and may not like. You start feeling
insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or
two, but then get scared because you barely know where
you are now.
You start realizing that people are selfish and that,
maybe, those friends that you thought you were so
close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have
ever met and the people you have lost touch with are
some of the most important ones. What you do not
realize is that they are realizing that too and are
not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but
that they are as confused as you.
You look at your job. It is not even close to what you
thought you would be doing or maybe you are looking
for one and realizing that you are going to have to
start at the bottom and are scared.
You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of
socializing with the same people on a constant basis.
But then you realize that maybe they weren't so great
after all. You are beginning to understand yourself
and what you want and do not want.
Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what
others are doing and find yourself judging a bit more
than usual because suddenly you realize that you have
certain boundaries in your life and add things to your
list of what is acceptable and what is not.
You are insecure and then secure. You laugh and cry
with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone
and scared and confused. Suddenly change is the enemy
and you try and cling on to the past with dear life
but soon realize that the past is drifting further and
further away and there is nothing to do but stay where
you are or move forward.
You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you
loved could do such damage to you or you lay in bed
and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough to
get to know better. You love someone but maybe love
someone else too and cannot figure out why you are
doing this because you are not a bad person.
You go through the same emotions and questions over
and over and talk with your friends about the same
topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.
You worry about loans and money and the future and
making a life for yourself and while winning the race
would be great, right now you'd just like to be a
contender!
What you may not realize is that everyone reading this
relates to it. We are in our best of times and our
worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure
this whole thing out.

OOC WEEKEND

Mon, 24 Nov 2003 18:35:29 GMT

so this weekend was crazy...but clemson/carolina always is. me and liz went out thurs..it was kinda dead in five points..guess everyone was saving up for the weekend. we ended up at roccos and gavitt and sex were already in town.. it was good to see everyone.. friday all the clemson boys came down and crissy and mindy came. we got drunk at the apt then went downtown..went to roccos but couldnt even move b/c there was so many people.. then somehow we all got separated and me and crissy and mindy went to meet everyone at kk but there was over 100 people in line so we said screw that and came back to the apt, drank some more, and passed out.. somehow i didnt end up going to sleep till 5 and everyone was wide awake at 7.. we all went to maurice's for lunch...bad idea.. barbeque after a night of drinking:( sisser came and we went to the game and tailgated with the guys and some guys from high school.. i dont know how we tailgated for 6 hours but we did.. my sis got too wasted and couldnt make it into the game but me and burg went in and left after the 1st quarter..that game was sooo pathetic.. i was sooo embarassed.. we met up with crissy and mindy and went back to my apt.. me and mindy and my sis went downtown by 10 and started drinking again.. i got wayyy too drunk.. sisser left and it was just me and mindy but we had a good time..so we came home at 1 and laid down.. i got woken up like 5 times after that and then at some point the back door opened and gavitt, braut, bob, anthony, fuches, sex, i'm drunk me too, and i dont know who else show up and jump on me in my bed and start singing white xmas. they are sooo crazy..braut and andrew fell asleep in my bed and the rest of us hung out for a while and then some of the guys left.. i ended up sleeping with braut and andrew..that was interesting..we woke up really late sunday and laid around all day then went to meet the boys out again.. i'm not sure what me and burg were running on b/c we were soooo tired.. we met them at nacho mammas and they were the only ones in the bar but they were sooo drunk.. i got great pics.. we took like a million shots and in no time me and burg were drunk and everyone was all over the place.. we sang and danced forever, took lots of pics..listened to xmas music for like an hour! and i cant forget to mention the beer bath all of us took.. i guess the guys thought it would be funny if everyone was wet so they poured their beer on these two girls and erin and then everybody started doing it and i turn around and paul pours beer on my head.. we were all soaked from head to toe. i spent the rest of the night with matted hair b/c it was soaked with beer! but it was a great time:) those boys are sooo funny! i didnt realize how much i missed them..life is boring again now that they are gone:( it was like they never left though..makes me sad:( andrew and sex left this morning to go back to jersey and conn. and tony p leaves this afternoon. i cant wait to go back to ny to see him. so thats the quick recap of the weekend.. it was awesome but i'm seriously paying for it now b/c i'm running on not much sleep. only one more day of class and then its thanksgiving! i just hate that i have to come back here to work this weekend.. it really sucks.. but not too much longer.. me and burg are gonna go lay on the couch for the rest of the day b/c its gonna rain and thats the best thing to do on a rainy day besides sleep:) fav quote from the weekend "thanks for the spooning last night connie"~gavitt... haha...it was all in good fun though..nothing bad:)

Mon, 10 Nov 2003 02:25:23 GMT

I'm so bored and if I don't find something to do I'll fall asleep but it's too early for that so i guess i'll write a journal:) this weekend was pretty much like every other weekend that i have to work. came back from class fri and i don't think i moved off the couch till it was time for bed except to get the door when the chinese delivery guy came.. me and liz watched tv all day..we did watch xanadu which i havent seen in forever.. i love that movie! i worked all day sat and it was a crazy day at the hospital.. last night we went out for a little bit b/c i was dying for a drink.. we went to locals and john was working. i hadn't seen him in forever. he reminds me so much of another bartender its a little crazy. maybe it was the lines about "i have anything yall want" or maybe it was the free drink but it was like someone else all over again. the only difference was back then i believed all the bs and the nice gestures to mean something but now i know it doesn't mean shit. its just a way of getting something you want. but whatever..then i got a phone call from someone i hadnt talked to in months.. it was kinda random that he called but whatever...then we went to kk and hung out with this guy in liz's pilates class.. he was like the oldest guy in the bar but he also works in a hospital and it was someone to talk to. this weirdo wouldnt leave me alone and his pick up line was "why did you choose to wear stripes tonight?" is that not the gayest thing you have ever heard.. then his brother kept playing with my hair and touching me but luckily jersey was there to save me as always.. he talked to me for a few and gave that guy the get away from her look and then the weird guy finally told me he was going to leave me alone.. i mean i'll be nice to a point even if i have no interest but after a while why can't they get the point that you arent interested?! anyways i worked today and we had another disaster at the hospital.. i came home and took a 3 hr nap so i hope i can go to sleep tonight.. i talked to josh this past week and they are coming down for clemson/carolina weekend so i'm really excited.. i havent see those boys in a while. i'm just kinda scared about that whole weekend..guess we will see how it goes:/ anyways i guess i'm gonna bs on the internet till bed.. night night "the price of a memory is the memory of the sorrow it brings:(" counting crows:)

feeling blah

Tue, 04 Nov 2003 05:26:39 GMT

i need to be in the bed but instead i'll write a journal.. this past weekend was pretty good.. i went home friday and somehow ended up working fri and sat night but at least i made a little bit of extra money. me and juju hung out alot this weekend..that little girl is growing up so fast! shes already 2 and i swear she is the smartest 2 yr old i have ever seen but i guess everybody says that about their niece:) i got my results back from my tests and apparently i have a hiatal hernia whatever that means.. all i know is i'm supposed to cut everything out of my life that i love.. caffeine, alcohol, cigs, spicy foods... i mean thats a little bit much to give up! we will see how well this works out. i gotta go have another test done and i'm sooo not looking forward to it. last thurs me and burg went out to dinner with fat matt and jersey mike and they invited us to this private party at kk. the only catch was it was a "thug party" so we had to dress up like thugs. me and krystle went a little crazy with our outfits but i'd have to say we looked pretty damn good! it was awesome.. free pour and all the liquor was free! they even had king cobra but you couldn't pay me to drink that stuff.. we had a lot too much to drink and i couldnt move when i woke up this morning... i was really hating alcohol at that point! but it was worth it;) anyways didn't do much today besides go to one class and play super mario bros 3 for like 4 hours.. its sooo much fun though.. anyways gotta go to bed..night quote i stole from someone i don't even like but i liked the quote:) "I wanna be the girl that he looks at, then smiles and says to his friends, "Thats her."

i'm still paying for the fun from last night!

Thu, 23 Oct 2003 02:42:19 GMT

So once again i havent updated in forever. gonna make this short though b/c i still feel like crap from last night so i gotta head to bed. this past weekend i went to new york with my parents. it was the longest drive ever! friday night i met up with anthony and we went to dinner at this really nice restaurant and went to times square and rode the subway to where he works but ended up getting lost in china town. it was kinda scary..but we went to the broome st bar which was fun b/c there is a commercial about it! it was really good to see him. he is one of the people i miss the most who have left. im excited that he is coming down for clemson/carolina weekend.. sat we stayed in jersey and sun went back to the city for lunch and headed back..i was so exhausted mon b/c we didnt get back to cola till 6:30 in the morning.. so last night we went out and me and krystle had waaayyy to much to drink and now we are seriously paying for it today.. i didnt get home till 5 this morning..its kinda sad when the paper has already been delivered and your just coming in from the bar.. but anyways me kelli, and burg went and saw the texas chainsaw massacre today.. it was sooo scary.. i think i covered my eyes for most of the movie..i can still see that scary guy's face. ill probably have nightmares! well im heading to bed..got alot to do tomorrow to make up for my slackness today..night night

sick and tired:(

Wed, 15 Oct 2003 04:40:38 GMT

once again i havent updated this thing in decades but its just not been anything interesting worth writing about and if it was it was just a repeat of everything i have ever said. so this past weekend was fall break..we went to the game thursday night and had a good time despite alot of confusion. at one after we had gotten home and eaten bk me and liz and kelli went to five points. we went to sharky's and i saw someone i hadnt seen in like 5 months and got scared so i left and went to knock knock only to find someone even more traumatizing! what he was doing in cola on a thurs i dont know but he was too drunk to know what he was even doing so of course i didn't get ot talk to him for obvious reasons but when me and kelli left at like 2:30 we saw him again on the side of the road so i called jersey and he asked me to come back. i tried to reason with the stupid drunk but he was so upset and drunk that he couldnt think straight and was kinda mean to me but i didn't take it to heart b/c i knew he didn't even know who i was at the point. so we tried to get him in the car and he wouldn't move and then the one that ALWAYS gets in the way shows up and takes care of the situation so i'm glad he is okay but it was still a little traumatic! so after that i replayed the whole damn thing a thousand times in my head and no matter what i can't change it and its over now and if he was meant to come with me that night then he would have but i guess thats just the way it is. life never works in my favor when it comes to him..so i was sick all weekend and finally went to the doc's...gotta get some tests done..i'm kinda scared but i'm sure its nothing and i wont have to have surgery or anything so say a few prayers for me! i was supposed to go to ny this weekend w/ my parents but my dad is too sick to go so we aren't going. i talked to anthony and he had an extra ticket to the frank sinatra tribute at radio city music hall but i can't go now so i'm kinda bummed but i promised him i would come up and he said we would go to a play or something:) anyways i'm gonna go to bed now b/c i feel like crap and i have 2 tests tomorrow that i am not prepared for. quote: (i stole it from burg's friend jen) "If you dont go after what you want, youll never have it. If you dont ask, the answer is always no. If you dont step forward, youre always in the same place."

i was just thinking....

Thu, 11 Sep 2003 04:35:40 GMT

so i have so much work to and i'm so tired but i can neither study or go to sleep so instead i do the one thing that always gets me in trouble...just thinking..so i sent this survey thing to my sis and it asked the question what is your best feature and my sister said my best feature was that i always try and see the best in people..well i'm starting to think that my "best feature" is actually not a good thing. i just don't know what to think anymore. it just seems that i try so hard to believe that there is something good in all people and even though it may not be evident to everyone, if you look hard enough you will find it, but its like in every situation that i have thought this the person has just proven me wrong. sure i know alot of good people but i guess i'm talking about the people that everyone told me to stay away from and the people that everyone said nothing good would come out of. its the people i think i tried the hardest to get to know and to figure out and to understand when alot of people didn't think it was worth trying. i mean at what point do you just realize that no matter what you do this person is really just what everyone said they were? maybe one day someone will surprise me..
so thinking about all that of course got me thinking about somebody and my other question is what exactly does it take to get over someone? or does everybody have that one person that no matter what happens, this person will be the one person you never get over? some say it takes time but there's been time and i still feel like i did the first day i met this person... i don't think my life will be long enough for there to be enough time to get over them.. some say it takes a new person to help you get over the old one. and although i think i'm being open to new things it just seems that it always comes right back to wishing i was with the other one, or comparing them and its like no one seems to compare. i know some people find it easier to deal by just not dealing and avoiding thoughts and feelings and praying that one day they will go away but i can't avoid what i feel b/c it is real and its not something that will just disappear..one day you will have to face it so why prolong it? maybe i can't get over him b/c of that little piece of hope that one day...or maybe i'm just being stupid but no matter what and no matter who comes around i don't know if i will ever stop wishing for that person or wondering what it could have been like if it was me instead of her. i'm just tired of questioning everything and i know that if something is meant to be then one day it will eventually happen.. well i can't analyze the situation anymore but if anyone has any advice please send it my way.... quote for the night "sure i think about you now and then...but its been a long long time..i've got a good life now and i've moved on so when you cross my mind i try not to think about what might have been :-\" little texas

The concert was great!

Tue, 02 Sep 2003 05:45:01 GMT

me and krystle just got back from the counting crows concert.. they were awesome of course although they didn't play some of my fav songs but still it was worth it. so we thought our seats wouldnt be really good b/c we got our tickets kind of late but we actually had pretty good seats. we saw bob, braut, and chuck...it was good to see them but also kinda sad because we never know when we are going to see them again. i miss the way things used to be around here and all the fun people. but life is all about change and it has definitely been a change. we drank some vino before the concert and got quite tipsy but between walking and the shock and the heat we both lost our buzz by the time the show started. so overall it was a fun but interesting time.. its weird the way things work out.. i just wish that the party pooper hadn't been there b/c that certain person ruins everything! haha well i've been up since 6, went to work, drove 6 hrs, and watched the concert so i'm beat. going to bed.
quote: "If you don't come through,
I wouldn't wait for you.
I understand that everyone goes disappearing,
into the greatest grey
that covers over everyday,
and hovers in the distance and the distance and the distance...
I've been up all night,
I might sleep all day.
Get your dreams just right
let them slip away"
Up All Night, Counting Crows

i had a wayyy too productive day

Thu, 28 Aug 2003 04:31:12 GMT

So I did so much today. got up at 7:30 after a night of too much fun and went to the doctors and then went to class from 1:30-7. thank god our psyc teacher let us out before 8. then i went to walmart, bought a new printer and stuff and organized all my school shit. i'm so exhausted and i feel like there is still so much to do. i think i'm gonna have to give up for today though... so yesterday i went to the ab express class with liz and also worked out a little bit...i guess i didn't realize how out of shape i am b/c i couldnt move today..guess that means i need to start working out more.. so i have 3 classes tomorrow for the 3rd day in a row..i hate this shit..then i work all weekend and monday morning but at least me and krystle are going to see counting crows monday which will be a nice break..well besides the 3 and a half hour drive. anyways its bed time..gotta get up early and go all day again..woo hoo! night oh yeah..i can't forget my quote--"i cant stand here waiting thinking about your smile, and i can't stand the colors that remind me of the past..how could i be so stupid to think this would last?" graham colton